The Waiting Room

Good? Good.

This week’s offalling (ErrorFM, 10pm BST) is an experiment in a little bit of shushie, in that one half of (who is currently lazing his arse off over in that Canadaland for a few days) has spliced together a playlist of nothing but Instrumental (with the emphasis on mental) musics for eager ears. There’s little or no augmentation via hummings, whistlings, oohings or aahings (i.e. harmonizations with a lady mouth) so you’re going to have to make up your own lyrics for this one. On top of all that, one half of ne’er ever spaketh many wordage throughout the whole of the dangtastic thing. Yes, you read correct; he makes good on countless previous promises & remains mostly schtumn It’s a fecking miracle is what it is.

Consider it a soundtrack for unwinding, wherever said unwinding may be required, then, with little interruption from the clattered mouth nasty boy.

One small note afore we leave you to the loveliness, one half of’s laptop died on him last week, whilst in the USof (where he was supposed to pre-record & file this week’s show for broadcast), & so it was all a bit of a scramble to (a) recover the hard drive from said dead laptop, (b) make sure the data recovered from said dead laptop contained all the tracks destined for said pre-record, (c) buy a new lap-based computer (with, puke, Vista - fecking nasty ‘new’ Vista - horrid, horrid, horrid) in a decent financial zone, (d) download all the required recording software, etc. (e) pre-record said broadcast, hoping that Vista doesn’t piss about with the thing too much (it DID, & crashed half way through transferring the completed show from .wav format to hi-br MP3, the bastard), & (f) get the show filed with ErrorFM in time for the broadcast (it was & is).

Jesus. So much for having fun.

Enjoy this, then, because it took a freak of a time to eventually birth.

Ta-Ta, then.

½DC

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Hello Ladies & Gentlepeeps,

This week’s show (which has taken an age to post, following broadcast, simply because of a monumental feck up with one half of’s laptop - i.e. it died whilst over there in that there USof…) is entirely given over to the sweet nothing rambled musi-choices of The Woman of The House. That’s right. TWoTH charged through her collection of CDs & vinyl & came up with the loveliness you now hear before you.

I think we should let her & her musical tastes do the talking from hereon in…

Enjoy, you dusty mo’fo’s.

x ½DC + TWoTH

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Hello U, U Purple Eaten People, U.

2night’s show is the 1st of 4 pre-records what one half of + The Woman of The House did tirelessly piece 2gether over the last few weeks in order 2 cover one half of’s fairly decent arse (given his advancing age) whilst jollying it about on the West Coast of the USof.

Therefore, 2night we present, just 4 U, Drunk Covers VIII - The Playlist Formerly Honed By Prince. A 3hr cover version special, charting pretty much all of the decent (i.e. no Batman, no Graffiti Bridge, + pretty much nothing after The Gold Experience) back catalogue of the wee purple munchkin.

The bulk of the cover versions in 2night’s show come from a brand new tribute album celebrating the little paisley monkey’s 50th birthday, entitled SHOCKADELICA - 50th Anniversary Tribute 2 The Artist Known As Prince (+ a healthy scattering of very decent covers culled from the 1000s available by various artistses & bands across the known musiverse).

This is by no means a ‘favourite’ selection - merely a broad swatch of interesting/excellent variations on the skinny mother fucker’s celebrated back catalogue.

Here be the playlist, then:

Drunk Covers VIII, The Playlist Formerly Honed By Prince

1) Eels – I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man (E: Useless Trinkets; P: Sign “o” the Times)

33) Brødrene Lövenstjerne – Nothing Compares 2 U (BL: Shockadelica; P/The Family: The Family)

That enuff 4 u? Eh?

Please also note 4 your diaries, on 27th of August, the last in the scheduled pre-records, we will be broadcasting Purple Reign - Prince and his Revolutions. A 2hr special celebrating The Artist’s music via a diverse selection, rather than the bog standard obvious choices (although, there will be some classic Prince, just 2 get every1 in the mood).

Joining one half of 2 co-host Purple Reign - Prince and his Revolutions will be The Woman of The House AND, wait 4 it, Ms Hope Eternal. Ys. That’s right. Bloody Ms Hope Eternal. What a fun time we had.

So, U, U listening few, get upon th’ danceflo’ & shake yo’ body like a horny pony would.

½DC + TWoTH

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Tonight’s flatulent nonsense was coughed into existence for your delicate palate via the astoundingly rambly tongue clatter of one half of, with the delicious TWoTH supplying the steady on, soldier & a whole pramload of what the hell are you talking about?s.

Without sounding smug or delusional, tonight’s offering was a seminal piece of playlisting, courtesy one half of. The ebb & flow of the marvelous musicalisations from the muscial chosen was divine & fecking hypnotic, so it was. What can we say? We don’t write these bloody lovely orgasms of sound, we only play them so you can enjoy them & be carried away on the gentle lapping of their aural tide.

How wet are you, now, then, eh? Naughty kitten.

Jibber jabber away.

x ½DC + TWoTH

ps Last week’s competition runs until someone gets the answer correct - there’ll be no to the nearest lb/kilo malarkey. Get entering, then, eh?

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Hello kids.

Tonight’s show is basically one half of’s rambling assed review of all the live bands he done did see in venues & that when he toured the West Coast of & New York.

As well as lovely dollops of mouth blather & musi-goodness, there’s this week’s frigging ‘mazing competition. All you gots to do is answer this very, very simple question:

What was the weight (in pounds or kilos) of one half of’s checked suitcase when he left the States to fly back home?

Send your answers to thewaitingroom(@)btinternet.com (minus the parentheses) & the first person who guesses correctly, or has the nearest weight to the actual one on the ticket, by Friday 18th July will win the following goodies:

The Builders & Butchers / Loch Lomond split 12″ - signed by The Builders & The Butchers

The Builders & Butchers Debut CD Album - signed by The Builders & The Butchers

Samantha Crain & The Midnight Shivers T-Shirt - size Adult Medium (US)

Anni Rossi CD Albums Scandia + Insects Kissing

Parethetical Girls 7″ Picture Disc + CD Album Safe As Houses

The Jones Street Boys CD Album Overcome

Or, The Whale CD Album Light Poles & Pines

2 clues: (a) I flew Virgin (b) the suitcase was already overweight when I left the UK & then I picked up all the above + other trinkets & baubles.

‘cited yet?

Good luck.

½DC + TWoTH

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Well, then, all you box spring hogs & raindogs.

Welcome to 3hrs of near genius.

Here be, then, you, is The WAITSing Room II, Cruel Variations - 3hrs of Tom Waits Covers. Yes, that’s bloody much correct. 3 damn hours of.

Essentially, & why not, this is a marketing dream come true. Following the giddy successes of the Drunk Covers series (here, here, here, here & here) & the ridiculously popular (as in downloads, etc.) The WAITSing Room Tom Waits Special (here) it seemed only natural (read: cynical, or manipulative) to combine the two & come up with what you is either stream-listening to or about to/in the middle of downloading as you read this sentence to its natural full stop end.

one half of + TWoTH have selected as many quirky versions/artists as possible within the tight timeframe imposed by not very much time available; they done ignored as many of the obvious choices as & when possible (although, the likes of Tim Buckley, Holly Cole, John Hammond & Neko Case have crept in - simply because they do extremely competent &, frankly, good interpretations). They done also restricted the ‘live’ versions to an absolute minimum. For sure, unless it’s recorded through a soundboard mixed professionally & released on a properly tarted album/CD it’s not really a genuine cover, is it? It’s a glorified pub band wanking loudly for a large audience.

There be some surprises, some well known ones, & some entirely new cover versions to point your earpipes at. ‘Course, this being Tom Waits there’s an overly healthy smattering of jazz renditions dunked into this coffee swamp of blues, balladry, balls to the wall brilliance. Don’t be afraid, though. Jazz can be good for you.

Unsurprisingly, there are many hundreds (possibly thousands) of Tom Waits covers out there in the musiverse - many unofficial or so far off the radar, in terms of specific artist/band widerife exposure, that it was nigh on impossible to get hold of them in time for this evening’s output. Perhaps we shall endeavour at a later date & slap together the potential for a #III in the series? We’ll see. We have this one to get through first.

For now, though, we hope you enjoy what you get.

We loved every minute of it.

x ½DC + TWoTH

Here’s the dang tracklist:

TWR 02.07.08 - Drunk Covers VII: The WAITSing Room II, Cruel Variations

1) Hell Blues Choir – God’s Away On Business (HBC: Greetings From Hell: The Tom Waits Song Book; TW: Blood Money)

36) Hell Blues Choir – Swordfishtrombones (HBC: Greetings From Hell: The Tom Waits Song Book; TW: Swordfishtrombones)

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Here you go, then.

A repeat / replay / rewind from way back yonder from August 7th 2007. Back when we was innocent & technologically retarded, heavily relying on the Good Lord Skype for communication between Cardiff & Edinburgh. Praying, as we were, it didn’t crash or owt else stressful during the live broadcasts. Of course, mostly, it did.

On this one you can hear our fear & naïvité via myriad technical blips & blops as Ms Eternal wrestles with remembering to mute her mic (hence the heavy breathing), mute her computer audio (hence the beeps & burps from the software she was slowly crashing in the background), & engage the crossfade (hence the long run out of tracks & silences between talking & music starting). Knew what she was doing, my arse.

Anyway this one, though, as in however, wasn’t live (despite the additional screw-up SFX) but was a pre-record. This was simply because almost immediately after Ms Eternal & ½DC started filling the airwaves (together) with their accents they decided to both go, at the same time, on holiday (albeit not together, because that would be unduly sexual in nature), or vacation (depending on what side of the beach you are).

It’s an interesting show. A funny show with good music. A show full to the crown with sexual tension & verbal fumblings (listen, why don’t you, to ½DC umm & err his way through the putting up with Ms Eternal’s fiddling on the controls & giddying non sequiturs).

Incidentally, it’s one of the first shows that mentions/contains Mr. Fisk (who was at that time slipping Ms Eternal one - as goes the vernacular), who just so happened to be on a sneaky visit to Edinburgh to see HE & cause untold stress damage as he got in the way of her moving to/decorating her new apartment.

Why the ErrorFM controller chose this one to repeat / reply / rewind is beyond our point of giving a shit.

Enjoy, folks, enjoy.

½DC + HE (in absentia)

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Apologies.

On two counts. The lateness of posting this episode & the screw-up with the actual broadcast thereof.

Jesus. I turn my back for ONE day & all manner of shades of shit come falling from the sky.

Let me explain…

I, one half of, am currently in San Francisco (Downtown SF, to be precise, & hoo boy - t’aint nothing like what they shows in them films) at the start of a 3 week gad about the four corners of the USof.

All last week TWoTH & I busted our collective nutsack to get pre-records of TWR recorded & filed in time for my departure for the month long of June. We averaged 2hrs sleep a night for the whole as we pissed about obtaining permissions, recorded the shows (re-recorded when one was entirely wiped off the face of the earth when the over-heating computer - which had been on & working 3 days straight - crashed & refused to blink back into life for 4 hours thereafter), edited the shows, transferred shows from one format to another, & then ftp’d them to the station’s live archive. On top of that we had Proper Job to keep us occupied & I had to arrange & schedule this 3week USof jaunt. Exhausting is not the fucking word. Exhausted is.

However, yesterday, Wednesday, all that stressing was small potatoes compared to the joy I experienced at broadcast time for the first of the pre-records.

The shitty little hotel I was staying at didn’t have strong enough internet access (yes, that’s right - in 2008!), so any access at all to the worldwideinterweb was intermitent to say the very, very, very. Thererfore, tuning in to ErrorFM’s live stream was impossible because it cut out as soon as it began. $30 that cost me & I couldn’t get a refund, no matter how Krakatoa I got on the hotel’s ass.

When I did finally manage to catch a portion of the stream, TWR wasn’t on. This was 10.05pm. So I logged into ErrorFM’s chat to have a word with the controller/programmer to see what the problem was. He wasn’t around. Logged into chat, yes. Around? No. Not until 10.49pm, by which point I was getting furious with the situation as the connection was getting worse & I was barely able to send & receive messages. So when he did finally turn up & express an ‘aghh!’, as a way of garnering sympathy for the lack of TWR, I was in no mood to accept his explanation that the script he had written to auto-select & play the pre-record in the station on-line archive had a glitch in it. He than started the show late, seriously bumping the schedule to shit.

Now, when this ‘auto-play’ idea was first suggested by him I expressed concerns that (a) it wouldn’t work & (b) he wouldn’t be around to fix it. I was assured 100% nothing of the sort would happen. But, of course, we now know different.

I was so furious (a mixture of genuine exhaustion & frustration) with the pisspoor excuse I received for his, & by proxy ErrorFM’s, tardiness (”It’s stressfull here”!!!), I sent a message to the owner of the station expressing my serious disappointment & advised that, following the last pre-record to air (July 2nd: Drunk Covers VII, The Waitsing Room II - a 3hr Tom Waits cover special) I was calling it quits.

This is not the first time the station has fucked me around. I am not one to grumble. I have a solid chin & soak up the blows & get on with it. But, man. This is taking the piss. I (as well as the co-hosts) work my fucking bollocks off doing TWR - for nothing. We don’t get paid. We do all our own publicity, we do all our own networking & media whoring. We don’t have to do this, but we do. We do it because we love the music. We do it because we think you need to hear the music. That some people listen, download, comment, etc. is reward enough.

But.

After 6 days straight of preparing pre-records to ensure the schedule is full, (i.e. making it easier for them so they don’t have to find things to fill the slot), for the programmer to then be so slack like that is just too disrespectful.

I’m too tired to care right now.

By the way, the show in question was a corker for music. We both, on the other hand, were a little knackered.

Get ‘em while you can.

½DC + TWoTH (in absentia)

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Lab Rats & Geneticists of The Listening Few, welcome to the rest of your listening habits.

Seriously, this show’s selection was indeed a good selection to swell in your lovely ear-based heads.

Amongst, as they say, others, we playfully shat the following in your direction: Hour of The Shipwreck, The Ting Tings, The Wave Pictures, The Cave Singers, The Submarines, Those Dancing Days, Scout Niblett & Bonnie “Prince” Billy, Elvis Perkins, Andrew Bird + Noah & The Whale.

Kiss ou’sel’.

½DC + TWoTH

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Mary up a Jesus pole.

What a fab show, even if we do say our goshdarn selves. 3 whole damn hours full up to the skull cap of the superb musics what was made by that wonderful Texan outfit, The Gourds.

one half of + The Woman of The House were all knicker twisted with various imbibings & nonsense, but somehow managed not to embarrass themselves too much in the chat room presence of said Mr. Kev Russell too much. That’s right, he, from then there The Gourds, came by & said howdy & stayed for the entire show, moreorless, as we clattered our mouthy ways through his & their wonderful back catalogue. Right shy we were, too. Ne’er a mention of his sweet self in the participatory typed-style chat room during the entire show. Nervous? Well, no. Pished? Yes. Very so.

Anyhow, the meat on dem bones: Mr. Russell has extraordinarily kindly like donated with his very hands a clutch of prizes (T-Shirts, Hats, Stuff) for a two-part, multi-winner competition. Yes. You read correct. A bloody competition. With prizes.

To win some of these prizes (for there will be more than one winner) all you gots ta do is answer this question:

The Gourds are from Austin, Texas, but what phenomenon do happen, at around about 8pm, every night, to an audience of a hundred or so tourists, from underneath two bridges spanning the Colorado river?

&, also, as a tie-break, answer us this, thus:

Kev Russell & Jimmy Smith (both of said musical wonderment The Gourds) have a music publisher by the name of Bumpalong Sod Music. In no more than 10 words, please explain what a Bumpalong Sod is…

Now. This competition is open for as long as it takes Mr. Russell to send those aforementioned prizes to us. This could be one week, it could be two. So, for as long as these words remain un-struck through (i.e. there’s no strike through line through the sentences above) this competiton will remain.

Simply send your answer + definition to thewaitingroom (@) btinternet.com (minus the parenthese & spaces) & we’ll pop the correct & most amusing ones in a hat & draw the winners on a future show (in one or two weeks -depending, as we say, when said prizes materialise via the postal service). Get it? Got it? Good.

Right, then. Shoot over to the TWR Playlist page for a run down on what were playlisted during the show & listen again as we, one half of + TWoTH, make tits out of our limey asses. Mr Russell laughed. “Fuggin Hilarious” he called us. But then, there was a certain bias at play.

Go decide for yourselves. Go on. Scoot.

½DC + TWoTH

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Jackanory, tell us a story, is it?

This week, then, bloody hell. Sound issues, man-based illnesses, 100mph rambling about very little in particular, a brief appearance from The Woman of The House, an even briefer appearance of Toad, & an Amy Winehouse call to arms. Welcome, then, you, to The Waiting Room.

Crammed into this week’s artist-packed show, bringing sanity to an otherwise erstwhile chaos, was, but not entirely:

Langhorne Slim, Kara Keith, Marina & The Diamonds, Noah & The Whale, Boss Hog, Addicted To Love (a Candythief side project), Bombadil, Heathers, Ultra Orange & Emmanuelle + a whole galleon of others.

Settle back, then, & plug your very ample arse in.

x ½DC

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Once again featured on this week’s perky nonsense, along with the omnipresent Mr. Toad (off of his whipsmart Song, BY Toad bloggerthon) & his equally potty-mouthed wife-type Mrs Toad, is the swoony chops of The Woman of The House imparting her limited knowledge on all things music. Not to forget, of course, the presence of the Scout Master himself one half of leading them all to their certain doom ‘cross windy hillock & dale of non-sequitorial plains.

Welcome, then, you, to this brand spanked installment of what we will be Christening Drunk Covers VI — 3 hours of cover versions playlisted as follows:

1) The Power of Love – The Pigeon Detectives / Huey Lewis & The News

14) Take A Chance - WFMU’s Tom Scharpling, Ben Gibbard, Pharmacist’s Ted Leo & Patton Oswalt / ABBA

Song, By Toad Recommends

15) Gin & Juice – The Gourds / Snoop Doggy Dogg

16) Can’t Get You Out of My Head – The Flaming Lips / Kylie Minogue

17) Untitled Melody – The Divine Comedy / Orange Juice

18) Felicity – The Wedding Present / Orange Juice

19) Next – Richard Godwin / Jacques Brel

20) Common People – William Shatner / Pulp

21) Blowin’ In The Wind – Dolly Parton + Nickel Creek / Bob Dylan

31) Top Of The World – Shonen Knife / The Carpenters

32) One Way Or Another + Teenage Kicks – CSS / Blondie + The Undertones

33) Where Is My Mind – Emmy The Great / Pixies

34) Such Great Heights – The Wrong Trousers / The Postal Service

35) This Charming Man - Bostonians / The Smiths

What with all the irreverent funtimes had in a very vocal manner, the foulmouthedness of a certain amphibious element, & the rather genius tracklist what you just done read, you, then, most blwdy certainly should wake up tomorrow & feel like perspective has taken on an out of the ordinary appearance.

Thank us for the memories another day. Right now? Just enjoy.

½DC + TWoTH + Mr. & Mrs Toad

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Hello You Little Buggers.

This week one half of + The Woman of The House traveled on April 3rd to The Music Club in Bristol to meet, interview & record a live show by Red Hunter of Peter & The Wolf (from Austin TX, not that Liverpool shower).

The resultant chaos (i.e. one half of’s continuing battle with modern day technology - this time the interview mic dying the night before the trip/interview - & the interview thereafter, conducted exactly how it tells you not to do so in the Interviewing For Dummies manual, e.g. don’t fawn & coo at your subject like some lovestruck teenager with hormones to burn), & clarity/beauty (Red Hunter’s admirable ignorance of the lack of any real point in some of the more rambling *ahem* questions + Red’s astonishingly lovely 30minute+ set) is very much here for your absolute listening pleasureables.

Here, then, you, is the running order for them eyes to drink in:

Interview

Interview

*The Fall is the number Red opened with, but ½DC was pissing about with the recording equipment thinking he was simply warming up. Of course, he wasn’t & ½DC missed the opener as a result. Twat.

There’s also that titchy matter of the Peter & The Wolf competition to win an exclusive & unique hand drawn + signed version of his brand new(ish) CD Ivori Palms.

Riddle me this, then, you:

What’s the name of the war photographer** Red Hunter cites as his major influence?

Please send your answers to thewaitingroom (@) btinternet.com by Sunday 13th April 2008 & the winner shall be announced on next week’s show.

‘course, Mr. Toad, off of that there Song, By Toad, once again shares another selection of new songs by new artists, scattered amongst that foul language of his, in a celebration of the Fence Homegame Festival what he & Mrs Toad did recently attend.

Cheers a lot, then, & go listen & enter.

½DC + The Woman of The House

**visit Peter & The Wolf’s myspace space profile page for a large clue in the shape of the answer.

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& so, to politics.

This week Mr. Fisk, himself fanny-spat into the arms of a pre-Mugabe Zimbabwe, bumblingly musters the extreme brass orbs to wax lyrical on the relative ease of *ahem* life under the zero tolerance regime of the aforementioned murderous fucknut of a dictator (if the residents would only just ignore the politics & just get on with it - shades of Norman Tebbit, per chance?).

His counsel in such matters? The source of this blithering ignorance? A Zimbabwean, weighed down with an excess of (one can only surmise, raped, slaughtered & pillaged) money to fritter, he chatted to once via an on-line poker site.

Suffice to say, the resultant atmosphere in Drunk Country House Studios resembled that of a critical mass explosion in an exasperation factory.

& if that wasn’t bad enough, & against the flow of better judgement, one half of remarkably turned the evening’s playlist over to Mr. Fisk’s obsessional indulgence in all things early ’90s, laced heavily with a base ingredient of indie dance. Wouldn’t you know it, even Mr. Toad, (off of musi-blog deliciousness Song By, Toad), joined in with a quatrain of indie disco cuts — albeit accompanied by a contextual bewilderment the size of a white elephant.

Expect BPMs, baggyism, foul language & a giddying naïvité not seen this side of Chamberlain’s blank paper acceptance of Hitler’s half-baked pledge to not do anything silly.

May mercy Lord it up on our souls.

½DC + Mr. Fisk

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This week’s cultural misfeasance what is The Waiting Room, continues to stumble ever onwards toward a serious contravening of the Trade Descriptions Act (1968), what with persistently dashing promises of professional maturity. Such lofty notions & ambitions can, one is assured, be stuffed up The Man’s pock-marked arse.

To the Batmobile!

Mr. Fisk (& his perversely odd view of just about everything) is back, as is The Toad (off of Song, By Toad) with a particularly potty-mouthed take on the history of genre Hip Hop (viewed, daringly, via a pair of white 30-something Middle Class eyes), as well as the perennially poorly one half of (This week? A cold. Man Flu. The sniffles, with a bit of a throaty cough. The wobbling, moaning gay).

Musically, you may get your self equal parts gristle-stiff & glisten-sticky over Man Man, Cloud Cult, We The They, Fleet Foxes, Deer Tick, Port O’Brien, The Social Services, Pattern Is Movement, Forest City Lovers & the very much in evidence many more.

That, then, as we say, is all (for, as always, now. At least).

x ½DC + Mr. Fisk

p.s. the promo fliers each contain a detail from L.S. Lowry’s Father & Sons (1950. Oil on canvas). Lowry is a particular obsession of one half of’s & it has taken him until now to worm one of Lowry’s works into an advertisement for the show. Still, you won’t forget those eyes in a hurry eh?

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